Derek and I were blessed with a huge surprise five months after we were married: we were expecting our first child! Major shock, as we were not planning on trying for children for at least a couple of years. Clearly, God had other plans. On May 14th, 2012, we met our son Toby.
After purchasing our first home in 2013, we decided we were ready to try for another baby. Shortly after Toby's first birthday, we found out I was pregnant. We were very excited and couldn't wait to tell our families. Unfortunately that pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage. It was a very difficult experience for me, but God was faithful to help me overcome the fear and try again for another baby.
In October we were excited when we found out that I was pregnant again. Although we were a little cautious at first, we were trusting and believing that our earthly family was soon going to expand.
There were complications with my last pregnancy: a subchorionic hematoma caused a placental abruption and early rupture of the membranes at 20 weeks. At 22 weeks and 1 day, on February 12th, our daughter Zuri Rose was born and passed away shortly after.
These are all the posts I've done sharing our experience with loss. For me, it's an ongoing challenge living with what feels like fractured motherhood- I know I am a mom to all my children, but only one of them is here with me.
My hope is that by sharing everything, I can do my part to break the silence about grief after a miscarriage or infant loss.
Baby Carlson: Final Update
I found your blog through the PAL support group on Facebook..... I read through your story and sweet Zuri's story with tears. My second son Theodore was stillborn at 39 weeks on June 23rd. We miss him so much. We know he is safe in Jesus' arms but it still hurts to miss him. Thank you for writing your story of grief and faith - it helped me.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Sarah. I'm so sorry for your loss; my heart aches for you and your husband. Many blessings to you :)
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